I'll write more soon...

I only have a moment or two, so I would like to share a couple of quick ones:

Said by my favorite salty officer when clearing a barking dog complaint:

"Me and the dog reached an understanding, and he agreed to my terms. Advised, cooperative. 10-8"

"I'll be out with a couple of independent strawberry entrepreneurs."

Later I dispatched this same officer to a hot call. I was a little rusty due to lack of recent shifts, so I was so proud that I remained calm, relayed the suspects descriptions, and no weapons mentioned, past contacts, etc. When I finally un-keyed the mic to take a huge relieved breath, the officer said,

"That's all great, but where am I going?"

I forgot to tell him where to go! Duh, that's dispatching 101: Location, location, location. Mortifying.

Pop Quiz Hot Shots

First person to tell me why it is a CRIME that gas prices have reached $2.86 wins..... the admiration of their peers.

Hint: $2.61 would have been even funnier

Wadical? Let 'er Rip

I get emails of comments so that if someone comments on something older, I'll still see it. I found this comment on my "24 Beers in a Case, 24 hours in a day...Coincidence, I think not" entry. It was written yesterday at about 7pm. I left the spelling errors, censored the language a bit. Obviously this guy thought he found a different kind of site. I was going to delete it, (I did delete it from the post) then I thought why not have a little fun. Wadical, you are so much better at this kind of thing. Do you mind responding to our wayward visitor from Trenton, New Jersey? (Thank you Statcounter, you are both incredibly creepy and very useful.)


Anonymous said...


cops suck there dirty and there d**ks for no good reason.... because they think there better than the law.....complete bulls**t. i had a cop tell mer personally he saw a coke dealer driving around and he knew he was a dealer and so the cop pulled him over and smashed his tail light with his flashlight so he would have a reason to pull him over. Thats so d**k you cant do that its completely illegal. that code 7 picture..is that really right to have that many police in one place honestly its just a huge waste of $ and resources.

Wight Wing Wadical said...

(Knuckles Cracking...get the kids out of the room.)

First of all, I got no respect for "ANONYMOUS" contributers who have such limited vocabulary that they must resort to no less than 3 obscenities in the course of one very poorly constructed paragraph. From the content and quality of your composition, it is obvious that you're approximately ankle deep in the gene pool, drawing into question both the validity of your claim as well as your assessment of it. But let us assume for one moment (for the sake of your pathetic argument) that what you "say" happened "actually" happened and that you're not just recalling some episode of Reno 9-1-1 you watched while cranked up on some of that "coke" you're so concerned about being unmolested in its distribution. Let us assume for a fraction of a moment that it would be preferable for a community to have coke dealers on the street "driving around" without any fear of coming into contact with the local constabulary....WHO GIVES A CRAP? The dealer, his customer and Jesse Jackson, that's who! You ain't Jesse Jackson, so I guess that kinda narrows it down now doesn't it? Because I assure you that a staggering majority of the tax paying, job holding, registered voting, citizens who actually choose to contribute to the Gross National Product rather than suckle from its worn out teat certainly don't give a tinker's damn about their friendly neighborhood crack dealer's tail light nor his civil liberty to roam the streets! You consider it "...so d**ck" and "...completely illegal". I consider it more like... "pass interference in the end zone". In other words, "acceptable" considering the alternative would be that the crack slinging malcontent would complete his transaction unfettered thus contributing (in no small part) to the decline of the community who's responsibility it is for the offending police officer to protect and serve.When you choose to live outside the law, you forfeit your right to cry "foul" when a rule is cracked to catch you doing so. Go back to sleep, "Anonymous", if your local supplier gets locked up there will, no doubt, be another who is willing to step up and take his place.

Breastfeeding in Not a Crime

This post will seem totally out of left field, but not to me. Today I have got babies on the brain. (Still no luck on that front BTW.) I have previously mentioned my stance on nursing; I know it is a natural bodily function, but so is urinating, and you won't see me doing that in public, either. Earlier today I was cuddling with Little Man, and he is getting so big! I was thinking back to when he was a newborn and this story popped into my head. This may be one of those "you had to be there" situations, but really, when has that stopped me before?

So we have a Sgt. who is a very good cop, but he is very strict with dispatchers. I was working an 8 hour shift and I asked the Sgt to please come into dispatch.

Me: Sir, I need a 20 minute break.

Sarge: You already had your lunch break, so I'm sorry, you can't have a 20 minute break. I'll get an officer to give you a bathroom break if you want.

Me: Um, I am going to need a little more time than that.

Sarge: Why?

Me: I just need more time.

Sarge: Well, you are not entitled to another break.

Me: Well, technically, that's the point. This kind of break I am entitled to.... [Boy I didn't want to spell this one out, I am so private about such matters.] You know? [I begin pleading with my eyes, chanting in my head "dontmakemesayitdontmakemesayit"]

Sarge: No, I don't know.

Me: Um, sir? You have daughters right?

Sarge: [Not following my train of thought]...Yes

Me: And your wife...did she, well, you know, um.

Sarge: What?

Me: [Practically shouting] Nurse! Nurse ! Did she nurse!

Sarge: [Shouting back]: OH! Oh! [ He turned red, accidentally looks at the boobs in question, gets more flustered and begins talking to the ceiling] Oh, yes Mrs. Sarge did that! That is the most natural thing in the world. You know, it is so natural that---

Me: Yes, yes, [cutting him off because I am absolutely mortified] So...?

Sarge: Oh, no problem, absolutely no problem. I will get an officer in here immediately.

Me: There is no rush, I just needed to warn you so arrangements could be made.

Sarge: Not a problem! Officer S will be in here at 9pm promptly so you can pu----

Me: Thank you! Thank you, sir. Sorry for the hassle. There is no need to tell Officer S why. I'll be as quick as possible.

Then at 8:55pm Officer S walks in. Officer S is one of my favorites. He is a salty dog and he is not a softie by any stretch of the imagination, so right away his gentle demeanor was making me nervous!

Officer S: So, go ahead and take your time. Um, feel free to use the bathroom at the end of the hall, it's bigger. Perhaps, if you like, you can, um, light some candles and maybe play some soft music, or something.

At this point, I thought I was going to die of embarrassment.

Me: No. I'll be back in 20 or less. Thank you.

Officer S: No, problem, it's the most natural thing----

Me: Thank you!

Anyway, after this embarrassing incident, I didn't take any more shifts until I was done nursing. It was a pain all the way around, and although the agency was wonderful as usual, I just felt weird about asking for special time. Told you it was a random entry!

Welcome Gentle Readers, New and Old

I would like to take a moment to thank all of my loyal readers. You guys, are so awesome. I love that there are so many other cops and dispatchers who share similar experiences. I would also like to take a moment to welcome all the new readers from the command staff at Wonderful PD, and some old friends from Huge PD. I really like this blog. I like the feeling of venting and commraderie that I get with other people out there who "get it". I have so many stories to share from the 4 very different PDs I have worked at, my own life stuff, and stories from my husband's job. This blog is my creative outlet. It's mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. And, as it is mine, I reserve the right to exaggerate real life events to make them more enjoyable to the reader. At times I have taken two stories and blended them into one. I have always changed names, times and skewed actual events just enough to protect my privacy both at home and on the job. Be forewarned, comments on my entries are welcomed and encouraged. However, any comments that I feel are inappropriate, or I feel may lead to discocery of my location at home or at any of the jobs I have ever worked, (past and present), will be promptly deleted. Then, my husband will hunt you down. Just kidding! Or am I...That said, allow me to share my latest bonehead moment.

I sent Officer F on what I thought was just a usuall Citizen Contact/Officer Assist. Later from talking to the caller I realized it was a potential officer safety/5150 contact. So I said:

Officer C to cover Officer F due to his unstable nature.....[Long open miked pause as I realized how that sounded]... Clarification the caller is unstable not Officer F....

Geez! And that's what happens when I go a month without working, I get rusty!

A Vicious Circle

The entire police department received the following email, which began like this:

"All Sworn Personnel,

Hostile Work Environment/Sexual Harassment Prevention training and Taser Deployment training will be conducted on Friday..."

That's as far as I went, and I just couldn't stop laughing. Are they combining those classes? Are they going to taze the people who are sexually harassing others? And wouldn't that in effect create a hostile work environment? It's 3 am, I honestly have no idea if that is as funny as I think it is, or if I've gotten loopy. I'll tell you after I attend the class tomorrow morning. Boy I'll be careful what I say though. "Morning, Sarge, you look nice today." TZZZZZZZT. "Ahhhh! I take it back! I take it back!" Oh, man I've got the giggles now.

Me Talk Real Good

The problem with going one entire month without working, is that I get rusty. I get my rhythm back pretty quickly but sometimes, I just make an A$$ of myself.

I had sent officer M to a call, that seemed to be a single officer, kinda lame Citizen's Assist/Outside Agency Assist call. I then determined I should send a back up unit due to some additional information. So, I said:




"Unit 1 to cover Unit 3 due to his unstable nature.....[long pause as I slowly realized how that sounded] Clarification, the caller is unstable not Unit 3... "

Sigh, yes I am that talented a dispatcher.

Let's Be Realistic

I haven't had many shifts recently, hence my lack of posts. I just completed a class on Hostage Negotiations for Dispatchers. It was an awesome class; I really learned some great techniques that I will employ with my next suicidal caller. As for the validity of the class? Well, instead of 8 hours of how to handle a hostage taker or barricaded suspect, it could have been summed up in one brief comment: "Don't get your feelings hurt when the detective/Sgt./LT/Captain or Chief, rips the phone away from you and takes over." Seriously.

I finally work a graveyard shift this Thursday. Those are always ripe with material. I will be updating then. Talk to you soon!

We Can Learn A Lot From Our Elders

An elderly lady called in and said, "I have a noise complaint. The people next door are yelling up a storm. Can you hear them in the background? Here, I'll put the phone out the window." A much given response of, "That won't be necessary---" was halted mid-sentence because for once the noise was so loud, when the RP held the phone up, you could hear what she was complaining about. (99 times out of 100 the rp wants the dispatcher to experience the noise, and 99 time out of 100 I say, "No, no, don't hang the phone out the window, it doesn't matter if I can hear it or not, it is your peace being disturbed not mine." Besides, we usually can't hear the barking dog/party call/neighbors running around in the upstairs apartment, they are calling about.) This time was an exception. In what was almost THX clear audio, was a couple who were obviously in the throes of er, passion. The elderly lady then brought the phone back and said, "I mean honestly, no one is that good." I couldn't help it, without hitting the mute button, I laughed so hard! "I mean, am I right? Or what?" She said, also laughing. It was awesome.